Hungry Boy
by LIKE WHOAH
Summary: It was only a matter of time before Augustus Gloop would find a love to call his own.


As Tinorah craned his frail neck, he saw something he would never forget.

An angel.

And right next to that angel in the top hat and goofy red jacket was a large, slob looking child, stuffing his face with a chocolate bar.

"Jesus Christ," Tinorah said in his low, James Earl Jones-esqe voice.

"I VANTS ANOTHER OOBER-CHOCOLATE BAR, MISTER WONK-A!" The fat child shouted, his greasy lips covered already in the gooey, brown stuff. Bright blue eyes stared out to the chocolate man until he turned his head to see Tinorah.

"Oh! Look! An orange-chocolate man!" He shouted, pointing his finger towards the Oompa-Loompa with no pride lost at all. "I hope he ezz as tasty as he is looking!"

"Oh no...no, no," Willy Wonka protested, his head tilting slightly at the sight of Tinorah. "That's one of my immigrants from Cuba."

"What was that?" Mr. Salt asked, raising a brow in curiosity.

"Slave. I meant slave."

There was a subtle silence as the parents nodded their heads, knowing how it was.

"I want a slave, Daddy!" Veruca protested, stamping her foot on the floor on the ground promptly.

As the group began to talk amongst themselves, Augustus crept away to have a taste of this delectable looking orange man.

Tinorah, who was too distracted by tending to the strawberry vines in the factory, kept his head low towards the ground. His concentration was solely on the candy. This candy. The only dear thing he loved in his dear life as of yet. And what now seemed like pure silence was only the beginning.

A spark pain ran threw his arm, like that of a bear trap clamping onto his meaty flesh. He let out a dark shout, his eyes quickly glaring back to the little fat kid that had disturbed him earlier. Before he wasn't so sure of his thoughts but now he was certain; this child was retarded.

"LEAAAAAVE this place!" Tinorah boomed, trying to shake his arm free from the mighty jowels of Augustus Gloop.

"Mmfh?" Gloop replied as he unclamped his jaws and watched in horror as the chocolate-man of his imagination began to roll up his sleeves.

"LOOK what you have done, you intolerable FIEND!" Tinorah grumbled. He paused a bit when he realized this late in the fanfic that he too, could speak English, and not that fucked up Oompa Loompa hand singal bullshit.

"But vwhut are those?" Augustus asked, pointing to similar looking markings on the Loompa-Man's forearm. Bruises and imprints of shackles grazed his mango colored flesh.

"I..." Tinorah looked up suddenly to see Wonka gazing down at him with a death glare. He knew exactly what they were talking about. "Nothing."

The abuse had gone too far for Tinorah, even when Wonka gave him that look of death. Narrowing his eyes, the jaded oompa-loompah recalled tales of his fellow brothers being mutilated to death in a bubble-gum machine after muttering that their master was a "fatass." No, these were not accidents and he was sure of it.

"Little man!" Tinorah shouted out, staring at the German porkster with true disgust in his eyes. "How much would it take you to...murder a man?"

"In my country...we do not speak of murder!" Gloop paused, his face like that of a slate wiped clean. "And when it is, it is usually followed by the words 'Hitler' and 'gas chambers'!"

"DAMN," Tinorah replied, edging closer to Augustus slowly. Closing his eyes slowly, his mind instantly reminded him of good times in Loompa Land. The orgies and the raves...sweet times...sweet times pilfered by a-

"Come along," Wonka coaxed to Gloop, leaning over the railing of the room slightly as if he had seen enough of Tinorah for that day.

"Do not listen to him, young one. That is the path towards malice, deadly sins, lost hopes..." Tinorah spat out with anger, his head gradually lowered towards the ground as if the hurt was too impossible to bear. He clutched a hand to his chest again and whispered, "For if you go down tha--"

"Little boy! I have...caaaandy!" Wonka replied, gleefully grinning while waving a candy cane stick with delicate fingertips. Gloop quickly gasped heavily and broke out in a run so fast that everyone surrounding him was amazed he could go that speed.

Tinorah watched the scene unfold before his very burning eyes. Wonka returned the favor by keeping his unwavering blue eyes on the Loompa, handing the candy to the child promptly. As the tour continued, Wonka walked over to Tinorah's small patch of 'land' with a classy elegance that Tinorah had only now began to hate.

"Well, gee, and I thought I could trust you little guys..." Willy replied, frowning slightly like a child that had just learned his first real lesson.

"It was...a joke, sir." Tinorah replied, raising a dark brow slowly. "Nothing more."

"A jo-, OHH!" Wonka began to laugh in a nervous cackle that made the other listening Loompas cringe. "Oh, Tinorah, you are such a character!" He grinned, gazing down on his 'worker'. "But if you ever do that to me again, I'll fucking kill you."

Tinorah's eyes widened quickly while Mr. Willy Wonka only stood there, giggled, and walked away. The entire moment was perhaps the most frightening thing he had ever experienced and here he was, staring off as his boss walked off, looking like he was floating on air.

"Oh, oh...I believe it will be I that will be killing you, sir." The orange man hissed darkly, his head tilted down in revenge.

Meanwhile, things weren't going so well for the guests at the factory, either. There was a moment of awkwardness as Mrs. Beauregard scrunched up her face in revulsion as she caught Mrs. Gloop mercilessly staring at her chest.

"Daddy, what's that?" Veruca yelled, pointing a jagged finger at a darkened room. It was lit only by a flickering green light, and yet dark, muddy looking red and brown caked liquid could clearly be seen inside. A small orange hand fell near the doorway, and Wonka fled to slam it shut.

"Uh..." Wonka let out before laughing softly. "Just a little...inventing room! That's where all the magic happens!"

A gurgled scream could be heard behind the door and quickly Wonka's eyes widened. "YEP. JUST A SMALL, SMALL INVENTING ROOM THAT WAS INVENTED BY ME...WILLIAM WONKA! YES, YES, YES!"

Silence began to enter and quickly he cleared his throat, looking off in embarrassment. "May we...continue the tour?"

"What was that?" Violet inquired, listening in to the murmured screams from behind the door.

"I think Grandpa Joe just shit his pants!" Mike screamed, pointing a twisted finger at the 'real' culprit. The excitement caused everyone to slowly creep away from the old man (even Charlie, who was the first one out of his ungodly perimeter) who didn't even know WHAT was going on.

"Yes...shit his...pants..." Wonka nodded, clasping his gloved fingers together like the maniacal genius he was.

After looking down in shame, Grandpa Joe shuffled away in sadness, never to be seen again. Now only nine guests survived.

"Mr. Wonka!" Charlie let out, his eyes widening with soft hope, gentleness, and rainbows. "Where do you keep your...Oompah-Loompahs?" He blinked softly, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"Hmmmmmm?" Wonka asked as if snapping himself out of a trance.

"Having another flashback, sir?" Charlie asked, raising a dark brow curiously.

"No, no, I was merely undressing you with my eyes..."

He paused as everyone turned around to stare at the man in repulsion. "But my Loompas, you ask? Why...they sleep in tiny beds in tiny rooms fit for tiny kings! My, my how I do wish I was an Oompa Loompa in my own..." He paused, his eyes shifting slightly.

Digging into his coat pocket, he retrieved one of his notecards and read it over quickly. "FACTORY."

Everyone paused and stared at Willy Wonka with strange awe...except for Mrs. Gloop who's eyes were too busy staring at something ELSE, mind you. After quicking shaking his head, Wonka walked away with a gentle smile on his face, continuing the tour.

Unfortunately for Augustus however, he was met again by the strange character that he had harassed before.

"Fatty! Fatty...get over here...now!"

"What do you WANNNNNT?" Augustus sighed, shuffling over slowly. "My feet hurt from all of this WALKING."

"Well your ASS is gonna hurt if you don't listen to me!" He was obviously breathless as he struggled to keep up with them from before. "Wonka...he's...crazy! He kills and h-STOP THAT." Tonorah yelled as he watched Gloop try to bite into his arm again.

"Sor-wy." The fat child replied, wiping drool off his lips before looking back into Tonorah's hateful eyes.

"Listen. If you help me murder this...tyrannical man, there'll be a candy bar in it for you."

"Only ONE candy bar! You cheap bastard!"

"FINE. Two...and I'll let you dunk your head into the brownie mix...once..." The oompah-loompah narrowed his eyes. "Is it a deal?"

: "Brownie mix, eh?" Gloop paused to think. "But vwhut if I win the prize...? Perhaps there will be CANDY in it for me."

"Oh, you'll get CANDY, all right." Tonorah replied in an increasingly bitter tone. "ASS candy."

"I do not understand what you mean," Gloop replied, clutching his chest and wheezing for a moment. "But I can't breath right now so...you know...whatever."

"Very well! Come with me, child..."

And with that, Tonorah trailed away from the sight with Gloop, leaving behind the awful man and the innocent guests of the factory. Together the two strode off, side-by-side, unsure of what to do next.

"Mr. Orange-Chocolate Man! Could we stop here! My ass hurts more, yah?"

"I'm shocked." Tonorah grumbled bitterly, pausing as the younger man sat down on what only LOOKED like a gigantic toadstool.

"Vwhy are you so mean to me?" Augustus bellowed, clutching his chest yet again.

"Hey, listen here, lunch-box," The Loompa spat out. "You dance around naked for that prick and tell me how it is!"

"...Naked?"

"...Oh shit."

The fat kid laughed which caused the oompah-loompah to give him a quick karate kick to the face. Gloop shut up immediately afterwards, his fat face staring at the orange man. Tonorah felt afraid again, as if the other was about to bite him. But instead, there was something else...

"Oh my gawd. You...are beautiful. May I touch yew?"

"WHAT?" Tonorah asked, his voice even darker than before.

"Oh...my God. I must draw you." Gloop replied softly, dropping his chocolate bar, and instead, taking a sketchbook out of his pocket.

"What is the MEANING of this!" Tonorah replied, but was quickly grabbed, his clothing stripped away from him. Normally the Oompah-Loompah would have burst into tears by now as this was the act of cruelty he had served before by a Mr. Willy Wonka. Instead, the hands ripping at his attire felt safe, secure. As if they belonged there.

"My heart...I feel something!" Augustus Gloop cried, grabbing at the Oompa Loompa's underpants and giving them a hefty sniff. "And not the chest pains my doctor tells me about! I feel...a sort of...TINGILING feeling inside!"

"And you're sure you're not going into cardiac arrest?"

"...No."

"HRM." The Oompah Loopah muttered in slight disgust but he, too, could feel that slight tingling feeling, just a little bit. It was the same feelings he had in the past. The same feelings with---

"No! I...I can't let you do this!" The oompah-loompah let out, turning his head away in anger. "I won't let him hurt you like he had hurt her before!"

"Vwhat!" Augustus asked, startled. His sketchbook had fallen to the floor gracelessly and had ended up face up to a provocative (yet tasteful) full-frontal nudity shot of Mama T of 'Mama T's Perogis'.

"My...Tziporia." Tonorah paused, his face dramatically twisted away to avoid the tears from surfacing.

"Oh...uh..." Gloop let out, blandly, his pearly blue eyes turning away. "Uhm...would...chocolate make your feelings...feel better?"

"Chocolate! Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! Is that all you think about!" The Oompah-Loompah shouted out furiously. "Chocolate!"

"Jesus Christ, we only met 20 minutes ago!" The German kid shouted out, more in surprise than anger.

"Well, I got my DOODLE hangin' out and all you think about is HERSHEY'S COOKIES AND CREAM?"

"Cookies and cream?" The Gloop boy paused, looking around quickly as if he were missing out on something.

Tenorah only sighed and went to grab his suit's arrangements. "Fatty..." He paused, looking at the floor now. "It was never meant to be."

"Oh, no! No, no, no! Tonorah! I love you! Please...!" Gloop shouted out, quickly wrapping his plump arms around the small man and sobbing into his chest. He continued to scream his name, despite the fact that the Oompah-Loompah never gave it to him.

"Please! I'll do anything! I'll...I'll be with you forever, I'll take care of you...I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK!"

"Dick sucking, ehhhh?" Tonorah asked, suddenly, stroking his chin suddenly. "NO. No...Wonka. That EVIL...VILE...MR. WALTER WONKA...he would find out! He would kill you!"

"If I can't have you Tony...HE MIGHT AS WELL!" The large boy cried, almost hollering.

"Well, well, well...what have we here?" It was Wonka...Walter Wonka...and he was out for a hat-trick.

"YOU!" The Oompa-Loompa shouted furiously. "What in God's name are you doing here, Wally! Of all places... Oh, no! Where are the guests?"

"Let's just say...I have a handle on things, okay?" Wonka whispered out evilly, smiling darkly before stepping over. His vicious eyes quickly fell on the fat child before muttering, "I see your whore is here! It appears as if we have to settle this now. Don't you think?"

"Fatty..." Tinorah said sadly, looking at his new found lover's face. "Stay out of this!"

"No! I WILL NOT!" Augustus screamed loudly as if it were a Lifetime movie. "I must protect the...WHATEVER the FUCK you are...I love!"

"Protect?" Monka gleamed, glancing at Tonorah's naked body. "Why, his DOODLE is hanging out for Christ's sakes!"

"Like you haven't seen my NOODLE before, Monza!" Tinorah shouted out furiously, stomping over and quickly lunging at the frail man. His boss screamed in fright, unable to withstand the anger of a naked oompa-loopah.

As the showdown went there, Fatty Loop was too busy chewing on grass to care.

"You killed TITTITTANNY!" Tonorah shouted, wrestiling Weenka to the ground.

"KILLED her?" Weasle shouted.

"Why, I put her to a finer use. She was one of the many used as the secr-,"

"I DON'T CARE FOR YOUR SUDDEN PLOT TWIST, YOU SICK PRICK! DICK KICK!" Tonorah shouted, kicking his 'master' in the crotch as hard as he possibly could. To his surprise, however, Weasel only giggled evilly.

Tony continued to kick more roughly and with each turn, Weasely laughed evilly, knocking the Oompah-Loompah to the ground with such force that it frightened him.

"Now I'm going to do something to you I should have done a LOOOONG time ago..." Weasely let out, standing up and unzipping his fly, exposing the unholy of unholys.

"GET ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES, AND SUCK MY WANG."

"NEVERRRRR!" Darth Vader-reserected-as-an-Oompa-Loompa shouted, backing away slowly. "I read in a fanfic that your SACK was filled with CHOCOLATE!"

"Yes...alas, it is true." Winky sighed, looking away, remembering the very moment he read that fanfic and wishing the character involved was Grandpa Joe. How he would miss him.

"Chocolate...?" Augustus asked, his eyes shifting.

"Yes, little boy!" Willy Jackson replied, quickly holding up his trouser snake with his hands and grinning. "And if you come here and suck my chocolate, we can ride away in an air balloon..."

He tilted his head, grinning softly without a care in the world.

"WELL...I do hail from the LAND OF CHOCOLATES..." Augorogoogoo replied, thinking on a whim.

"NO! FATTY!" Tonga yelled, grasping his wrist. "You said you had...feelings for me...feelings in your heart, Fatty."

"Oh Tonorah," Wonka grinned, glancing back at his minion as if there were suddenly being light parting from the dark and dreary clouds. "Suck my balls...?"

"No! No, it's not true!" Toga shouted out, holding up an orange hand in anger.

"Ohhhh, but it is...and now both of you will suffer..." Wonka whispered, his eyes shifting between them. "And hurry up, I have an appointment with that Grandpa Joe at 3:55!"

"Wait!" Augustus shouted out furiously in his brash American accent. "I thought the fanfic said that nobody ever saw him again!"

The man shrugged softly. "Mistakes happen to the best of us."

"But...four o'clock!" Tuna shouted, looking at his super cool Digiman theme SWATCH Watch. "That's in like...seven hours. What do you have planned before then?"

"Ohhhh I plan to get it on with that little British girl, see what happens." Wonka shrugged.

"Nice." Augustus replied quickly.

"BUT...not before I have that little Georgia peach have a little sucky-sucky on my apples." Wonka replied, his eyes shifting uncomfortably before holding up his hands and grinning.

"Oh my God, really!" Tonorah called out. "Can we watch!"

"Yeah, 'cause we're really think you and Violet are QUITE the OTP!" Gloop let out.

"WELL, I don't know GUYS..." Willy sighed, leaning against the wall, now. "That Veruca let me feel up her tatas...so..."

"...WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO US!" Tonorah shouted angrily, the James Earl Jones in his voice really starting to come out now.

"Oh, right..."

"This ends now! Lei può mangiare mio come!" Willy shouted out, dick still exposed as he lunged for his worker's throat. Viciously he grabbed him by the end and flung him into the fields of his wonderland.

"AAAARGH!" The oompa-loompa screamed, quickly landing into something soft, gentle, white...

"Oh...thank God, I landed in some frosting."

"Oh, no, no, no. That's my cum!" Wonka replied with a smile.

"OH...SWEET MOSES..." Tonorah shouted, glancing at the cum on his hands.

"So this is how it's going to be, oh?" Whispy glowered, descending the staircase and scooping the Oompa Loompa up by the nape of his neck.

"THAT ARRANGED...CAN BE!" Gloop shouted. Fortunately, the child had somehow found a vat of battery acid SOMEWHERE in the CANDY factory and was carrying it in his pudgy arms.

"Oh no! Battery acid! My one weakness, how did you know?" Wonka shouted out loudly, his eyes shifting. Quickly without hesitation he grabbed the Oompa Loopah into his arms and held up a hand.

"Stop! Make one move and my cock with be in Oompa ass, I SWEAR TO GOD."

"DON'T DO IT FATTY!" Tonorah squealed. "HE'S DONE IT BEFORE...THE SICK FUCK'LL DO IT AGAIN!"

Augustus paused, thinking things through.

"That's right...you wouldn't do anything to hurt your DEAR, DEAR Loompa friend!" Wonka shouted, but before he could finish, Gloop HURLED the acid at him.

Unfortunately enough, however, Wonka used the Oompa Loompa in his arms to shield himself from the splash, and Tonorah was covered in acid.

"AAAAARGH MY FAAAAAACEEEE!" Tonorah screamed, already feeling his eyeballs swooping down his face. He screamed more...and then some more and more. Wonka only giggled in delight while Augustus shouted, "What have I done!"

"You little...FAT PRICK! YOU SCARRED ME FOR LIFE!" Tonaroh screamed, clawing at his face, chunks of his skin falling off.

"WHAT SHALL I DOOO?" Gloop shouted, falling to his enormous knees and screaming out for all to hear. "WHYYYYY?"

"Holy shit," Wonka said suddenly. "I haven't seen a scene like that since Kid Cop!"

Dropping the Loompa carelessly to the floor, Willy Wonka desceneded back into his factory, hopefully never to be butchered by this fanfic ever again...

Gloop sunk to his chubby knees, sighing heavily before playing fat hands on the other's frail body. "Ooooh, Tonorah! Say something if you're okay!"

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME, THAT FUCKING HURTS!" The disfigured oompa-loopa shouted, squirming under extreme pain. "Oh, fuck! My face...my body! Well...at least I still have my enormous cock."

"...Yes...of course you do..."

"GODDAMNIT I FUCKING HATE YOU!" Tonorah shrieked. "AT THIS RATE...I'M GOING TO LOOK LIKE SAM TUCKER IN THREE YEARS!"

"Sam...Tucker? Is that the name of some poor, Asian porn star?" The German kid muttered. He paused, in thought, a million thoughts flashing in his mind. What now? What was going to happen? Will the oompah-loopah of his life ever love him? Was he doomed here at this horrfying place? Was Wonka getting it on with that Violet-child?

He laughed at the thought of that one.

No. It was much more likely that Wonka was getting his freak on with Veruca Salt. Her irritating accent and grating voice only riled Wonka up...IN HIS PANTS.

"Go to the CARAMEL ROOM..." Tonorah strained. "There you will find a medical kit for...ACID BURNS..."

"Well, OKAY! But I don't why a MEDICAL kit would be in a CARAMEL room!" Gloop called out, rolling his eyes. Quickly he stood up, rushing over to the room, almost wondering if he would wander into a naughty scene with a certain blonde and EVIL man.

But as Gloop continued to the caramel room despite the fact no one ever told him where it was, the fatty quickly fell into the evil traps of Mr. Salt's care.

"Now, that's right, son!" Mr. Salt muttered, trying to pin Augustus up against the wall. "Just drop trow and I'll do the rest!"

"JUJITSU KICKKKK!" He bellowed, kicking the man in the wiener as hard as he possibly could. And with that, Mr. Salt fell to the ground.

"Son...my daughter...she's fucking Wonka as we speak...she told me...RAHHHHHLSKDFJSDF."

And then he died.

Augustus frowned heavily, not really sure what the man had said since he was a mumbler but continued on anyways, in search of the medical kit. After what seemed to be hours (and with the BIG possiblitly that his lover was dead), Augustus continued to go through the dark hallways until he heard another noise.

mrgibbswrotethis: "The vell is going on?" Auggie yelled, listening keenly.

Silence.

Until...Mr. Teavee walked towards him. If you've ever seen Pulp Fiction (which, if you haven't, you must. Give Tarantino monies, he likes that) he was dressed like the Gimp.

"...Hey." Teavee waved, walking by solemnly.

"'DA FUCK?" The German kid shouted, his eyes widening quickly. Mr. Teavee only looked around, with tears in his eyes before whispering faintly, "PLLLLEASE don't tell my wife about this."

"You mean the one from the original movie! The one with the PENIS, YAH?"

"...That's the one!" He replied, smiling cheerfully.

"The one that got blasted with zuh CUMMMM?"

"Yeeeeep!" Teavee grinned, laughing a bit as he continued on his merry way.

"Hmmm." Gloop murmered, looking around slowly, he realized he had hunger pains and decided to gnaw on some of the drywall to keep himself tied over.

AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT 97.63646 OF THE FUCKING BUILDING IS MADE FROM CANDY, THE FAT KID STILL CHEWS ON DRYWALL? HUH. MADNESS.

Unfortunately for Gloop, however, his Oompa-Loopa love was desperately trying to kill himself. ...Again. For the 23rd time this year.

"I want to see the COLLLORRRRRS!" Tonorah muttered, reaching for a plastic bag that was MILIMETERS away from his fingertips.

"You know, you don't have to do this..." Dr. Sean from Nip/Tuck replied, holding on to his hand while they laid together on the field. "We could make...NEW memories together!"

"I'M DYING OF ACID WOUNDS...HEPATITIS...AND ASS CANCER." The Oompa Loompa wheezed. "I WANT TO DIE IN PEACE, YOU FUGLY BAHHHSTAHHHD!"

"Calm down, calm down..." Dr. Sean replied, looking him over. "Oh, goddamnit, if only that Dr. KUMAR was here, he could save you."

Sean looked away in tears. This was the 16th affair he had been apart of. 13 of those were with his best friend, Christian Troy.

"Perhaps I can be of assistance!" Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman announced from the other side of the chocolate river.

"What...? A WOMAN doctor? PLEASE!" Sean laughed, looking around quickly. "What's next? You'll be wanting to VOTE!"

"But maybe...I COULD help!" Mr. Ed shouted out loudly, prancing in.

"Finally! Some medical help! Come right in, sir!" Sean shouted out as the horse carefully galloped to the oompa-loopa's side. "What SEEMS to be the problem! SERIOUSLY. I can't tell at all what could be wrong with this man!"

"Well mayyyyybe it's because hisssss..."

"What! HIS WHAT!" Dr. Sean yelled, glancing up at the horse hopefully.

"It's the audio! They film the horse licking its lips and they dub over it...but now the audio is SKIPPING and we don't know what he's trying to say!" Dr. Quinn shouted.

"...Ohhhhh, SURREEEE, HONEY." Sean laughed. "And what? Mr. Wonka is a PEDOPHILE, right? Ohohoh, WOMEN."

Mr. Ed, who was still having trouble with his audio, ran off away from the group while Dr. Quinn and Sean were left...alone...together.

"...You have nice boobies." Sean pointed out gently.

"WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE?" Tenorah gasped, his eyes were slowing starting to roll back into his head and his skin was morphing a very sickly green shade.

"What ABOUT you?" Sean asked, about to curb-stomp the bastard.

"What are you doing here!" Wonka shouted out, obviously furious that his moment was ruined by these two dicks.

"WELL...it's a funny story, really!" Sean smiled, thinking back on it. "My partner was treating me to a nice bowl of strawberry ice cream after my mistress killed herself to prevent dying from cancer, when he decided he had to tinkle. We pulled into your lot and I waited for him to come back for an hour...so I wandered inside and...here we are!"

"HEY, GUYS. I BROUGHT THE POTATO SALAD!" Dr. Troy called out, quickly holding up a bowl of what could ONLY be Willy Wonka's famous "frosting" until his eyes fell on the man himself.

"Oh, sweet Jesus..." He murmured, his eyes all over him. Could this be...true love...for Dr. Troy?

"Well, oh my, it looks like you found my secret stash!" Wonka grinned, shoving Troy out of the way to dab into the 'potato salad'.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD..." Tenorah shouted. "I'M DYINGGGG."

"Mmm-mmm, GOOD." Troy let out, seductively, trying to turn Willy Wonka into another playful sex object. "My GOD, you're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. A perfect 11!"

"CHRIST...KILL ME NOW, YOU COCKGOBBLERS. JUST...AAAAARGH. I'M FUCKING DYING."

"Oh, you don't even know what perfect is until you've had some of my...SNOOZBERRIES." Wonka whispered in a naughty tone.

The floor began to shake as a loud thudding noise came to be. Dr. Troy peed his pants and the windows shattered as the roof nearly collapsed.

"DID SOMEBODY SAY...SNOOOZZZZBERRIESSSSSS?" Godzilla asked, preening his head inside happily.

"OH NOT YOU AGAIN!" Wonka shouted out in ultimate fury. Before Godzilla could say anything, Spider-Man swooped in, tackling him into the ground and saving the day. Why? Well...ever since this fanfic went down, some really random shit went down.

"Hey, whatever happened to that little fat bastard, anyway?" Wonka asked, looking around slowly for answers.

"What...? I don't remember a fat kid." Sean said slowly.

"Yeah, me neither." Tenora shrugged.

"Hmm! OH WELL. TRALALALALALLLAAAALALALLALLAAAAA!" Wonka shouted out obnoxiously, quickly skipping over into his field of gumdrop rainbows and cherry dews.

"OKAY, NOW THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE OUT OF HAND!" Sean shouted out, realizing that Dr. Troy was completely dropped for the fanfic for unknown reasons.

"THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE GOD-DAMN MOTHER-FUCKING RIDICULOUS!" He tried again, wondering if anybody even CARED at this point. Things had gone from our hero, Tonorah longing for his slaughtered bride-to-be, to Mr. Ed running around.

"OOOOH KAY GUYS. IT'S TIME TO SETTLE DOWNNNN." Sean announced for a third time, just irritating the audience a LITTLE more.

Sean then began to realize...was anyone even fucking READING THIS? Was anyone REALLY reading any of this story at all when the two authors themselves scribed all of this work from their two heads in three in the morning!

He quickly screamed and flung himself into the chocolate river, never to be seen again.

"...That...that was funny." John Smith's mother commented, appearing out of nowhere to

Sam Masur's delight

Sam Masur realized she didn't want her full name cited on the Internet at all, much less connected to this piece of fuck.

But it was too late. Because we can't go back and change it, now CAN WE?

We could...because, DUDE, I'M FIRED UP!

YES. THAT'S RIGHT, YOU HEARD IT HEAR FOLKS. SAM MASUR JUST FARTED.

"Oh, how I wish, I wish I could get my hands on that delicable Sam MASUR..." Wonka murmured out to himself, truely forgetting those other children now. He needed a WOMAN, not a GIRL.

"I WISH TO SPEAK TO HER SO I CAN SLIDE MY CACA INTO HER SISTER'S BOXXXX!" He cackled dancing to this song that nobody will know that is on the radio.

"But we all know that's impossible as her sister looks TWELVE. And I need a GIRL that looks 20! Yes, yes she will do..."

There was only one person that Sam knew could battle Wonka...and it was up to her to degrade this piece of shit even more than it already was.

"I CHALLENGE YOUUUUU, WILLY WONKA!" A famliar voice yelled...a voice that belonged only to...the infamous...CockKnocker.

"COCKKNOCKER!" Willy Wonka called out, clapping his hands together. "Why, my old college roommate...it's been so long, I'm surprised you remember me..."

"Whu-" Before Cockknocker could even get a second line out, he was shoved into the chocolate river with Sean...by Charlie Bucket.

"MR. WONKA!" the boy yelled, floating up...up...and into the fan above!

And then it was then that FINALLY this entire FRANCHISE...this entire WORLD of Charlie and Willy Wonka and the fucking Chocolate Factory was FINALLY getting the KICK-ASS death we were all hoping to see!

"No, Charlie, careful!" Willy shouted out loudly, already knowing it was too late.

"GRANDPA JOE I CAN SEE THE COLOORRRSSSS!" They were the last words spoken by the boy as he was mercilessly chewed apart by the steel blades above.

As Charlie became CHEWED apart viciously by the blades, Gloop finally burst into a sprint.

"I found it! I found the kit!"

After falling onto his knees, the fat child looked over at his Oompa-Loopah, smiled and whispered, "I'm here!"

Before the credits could role, however, it was very easy to see Grandpa Joe and Willy Wonka snogging in the background.

America...

America...

America, FUCK YEAH!

Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,

America, FUCK YEAH!

Freedom is the only way yeah,

Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,

America, FUCK YEAH!

So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,

America, FUCK YEAH!

What you going to do when we come for you now,

it's the dream that we all share; it's the hope for tomorrow

FUCK YEAH!

McDonalds, FUCK YEAH!

Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH!

The Gap, FUCK YEAH!

Baseball, FUCK YEAH!

NFL, FUCK, YEAH!

Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH!

The Internet, FUCK YEAH!

Slavery, FUCK YEAH!

mr orange badge:

FUCK YEAH!

Starbucks, FUCK YEAH!

Disney world, FUCK YEAH!

Porno, FUCK YEAH!

Valium, FUCK YEAH!

Reeboks, FUCK YEAH!

Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH!

Sushi, FUCK YEAH!

Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH!

Rodeos, FUCK YEAH!

Bed bath and beyond (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah)

Liberty, FUCK YEAH!

White Slips, FUCK YEAH!

The Alamo, FUCK YEAH!

Band-aids, FUCK YEAH!

Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH!

Christmas, FUCK YEAH!

Immigrants, FUCK YEAH!

Popeye, FUCK YEAH!

Demarcates, FUCK YEAH!

Republicans (republicans)

(fuck yeah, fuck yeah)

Sportsmanship

Books


End file.
